Yep. It’s been a while. I KNOW. However I am back to the writing grind, whether I like it or not (as much as I convince myself it’s a chore, I do absolutely love it).
Lately I’ve been tuning into YouTube, whether it’s to watch my friends’ own channels or the likes of Zoella and it reminded me of this here blog. This neglected little site that I intended to put so much effort into, before the work of a dissertation and assignments a plenty hit me, leaving me overwhelmed by writing. Unless of course it was for the entertainment website I was running at the time, Noise Cannon, which has now sadly shut down for a number of reasons that I don’t really want to bore you with.
So now I’ve graduated, and I’m no longer editing a bunch of other people’s work. Initially I enjoyed the freedom, not having to get straight to the laptop after work on a Sunday to set up the collaborative Noise of the Week feature, getting annoyed when barely anyone contributed, but also getting irritated by formatting several lots of 100 word reviews. It felt a bit like a lose-lose scenario. However, this was a part of my life, a structure to my week and in all honesty, I felt a little bit lost without it.
I have since started writing for another website, Vulture Hound (well…I’ve reviewed one gig and I’ve got some features “on the go”) which is great, when I feel motivated. What I really miss is the control, having my own way, posting what I want, when I want. Not only that, through editing people’s work I read a lot of great features, and even felt somewhat inspired by some of them. Whether it was their writing style or just the simple fact that their passion for writing and music had pushed them to write some pure gold at times. That said, I don’t want to be an editor for a music website anytime soon. So what do I do? Oh yes. Come back to this little blog I set up, full of promise, something that I can be in control of, entirely. Something to keep my motivation up, keep that writing momentum going so I would actually follow through with work for other sites, as well as generally feeling productive – there’s only so many series on Netflix one can take apparently.
It’s hard to write for free, and of course with Noise Cannon, as part of the editors team I was asking for a lot of stuff for free and it’s a little bit unsettling to be on the other side of that again. So to reiterate, this is MY blog, for my own PERSONAL enjoyment and my need to spam anyone who’s interested (or not, whatever) with my activities, thoughts and feelings. Weird. But I do enjoy it. I post to Instagram religiously, so why not link it up with some writing – that passion of mine that hides underneath a pile of laziness, lack of motivation and generally worrying what others think.
Fuck. It. For ages I’ve been told to “fake it ’til you make it”, a concept I fully want to get involved with, but let’s face it, it’s hard to start off with. But I’m gonna try, or in the manner of faking it, I’M GONNA SMASH IT, even if there is a voice inside telling me it’s all too much. It’s time to stop caring about what people think, time to start caring about what I want and how to get there, even if I have to fake my way there a little.
This post has gone from HEY I’M BACK, to pretty much saying FUCK THE HATERS (even if they’re just the ones I made up in my head). So I’m going to stop before it gets too cringe.
Here’s to writing whatever the hell I want to, whenever I want to.
Okay it got cringe.