If Wolf Alice are back, then so am I. Only being half serious. Thrilled as I am that one of my favourite bands of all time have resurfaced, my own return to writing has been on my mind for quite some time. Like a seed sown over and over again without being fed any water, only now ready to bud. I have wanted to delve back into my passion for writing, be it about music or life in general, but every thought has been so fleeting that the motivation slips away before I can even turn it into something substantial. I can’t really put a finger on why that is, but with any luck I can tend to it enough to see it blossom into something fruitful.

Metaphors out of the way, let’s do a little refresh. A few things have changed since I last wrote anything of note. I used to muse on life as a twenty something and now it is all about embracing the 30s. I had never really spent any time envisioning what 30 and beyond would look like, but I think I am mostly glad about that. Sure, I would have loved to have started saving and seriously thought about buying a house much earlier on than I did, but we all have to start somewhere. As I’ve said in the past, there are different paths and some wind more than others, and no path is determined from the get-go. Fate is a nice concept and all, and while things out of our control do happen, I think it ultimately comes down to us as individuals to direct the motions within our means. I don’t want to get any more philosophical than that right now, so all I’ll say is I’m a lot more aware of my own mindset and its impact on how life turns out at times. I haven’t cracked the code by any means, but I certainly feel a little more equipped to tackle this thing called life with a more headstrong attitude than before. Anyway, what else is new?

After spending a good few years following a vegetarian diet, even spending a year eating only vegan food, I find myself eating meat again. This is something I spent a good chunk of time thinking about before actually doing. I always said when I stopped eating meat that I didn’t want to call myself a vegetarian. I guess I just felt like my ethics and values weren’t so deeply rooted , it was just something I felt like trying. Being surrounded by veggies and vegans had its influence on me and got me thinking far enough that I didn’t want to eat meat for a while, but not so far I really bothered to get much more involved than that. There was a great time when veggie and vegan options popped off, and for a while I did enjoy exploring different options. Lately however, I have found that the accessible options have got real bland and boring and I just don’t have the network of people around me anymore to warrant seeking out a specifically veggie eatery. Then there is dating. It dawned on me I didn’t care enough about vegetarianism that I needed my prospective partner to be. I would say that food plays a big part in my love language, through acts of service and quality time etc. I know it’s okay to just get different plates or for the meat eater to just not eat meat every now and then, but the fact is it felt stifling. All this over something that I just thought I’d try one day and got stuck in as eating meat again felt like a big step backwards. I guess that’s the crux of why it took me so long to just go back to it.

Travelling was the real eye opener for me. It was quite fun finding places in different countries to try, and I enjoyed sharing these places on Instagram, but I also just wanted to walk into a place that looked cool without inspecting the menu beforehand. It’s the nature of adventure and again, I felt somewhat stifled. Take Lisbon with all the fish, piri chicken and the street food pork sandwiches. As much as I did find options, I did get overwhelmed and ended up not booking at a place that looked so my vibe, concerned I would be wasting a booking, as their ever-changing menu might not have had a veggie option. I wish I had just decided to be flexible on the diet there and then, alas my head was still up in arms about the whole thing. Besides, the fear of reintroducing meat for the first time while on holiday was just a little too much. There is indeed something satisfying about having worked to find somewhere that turns out to have really good food, but in the same vein, some of those really good food places came at the cost of the place being really quiet and lacking in atmosphere. I want the whole shabang. I will admit however that one of my favourites that I tried, a super casual canteen type place, was somewhere I only visited because I stumbled across it AND it turned out to have veggie options. So, it is possible to still find a gem, but I’d be lying if I said wasn’t a little curious about the fish and meat options on offer in that same place.

I’d like to say I’ve only just introduced meat in small doses. But I’ll be honest. I’m eating a lot of it and I’m really loving it. My birthday was great as I could partake in the communal Chinese order without having to worry about making sure I had enough to eat, but also not making the order cost too much with extra individual bits for me. I’ve never been made to feel like a burden and have always been looked after but I do very much enjoy the inclusivity of it all right now. It means I can try more food with the people I love and ultimately that is my greatest joy in life.

Lengthy confessional about abandoning vegetarianism out of the way…let’s talk about my love life. No sordid details, just to say that I generally feel a lot better about it than I used to. Yes, companionship is lovely and yes sometimes it does feel like I’m surrounded by couples, but I’ve come to realise that the last thing I want to do is settle for someone just to be one of them. It harks back to all that talk of life paths. Your friends are married and have not just one but two children. Your sister owns a house with her boyfriend and their cat called Dave. That person you don’t really know but happen to follow on Instagram just got engaged. These thoughts cross my mind from time to time but then I remember I only have to worry about myself. I will own a house one day (if I still want to). I can go to that gig on my own. I can go on whatever holiday I want, as far as the purse will stretch at least. I can also ask my friends if they want to come. Ask my family if they want to join in. How lucky am I to have my friends, family and their loved ones (and their pets) to share my life with? Companionship comes in all shapes and sizes and I’m not going to waste my life away on dating apps trying to find someone to be that sole thing for me. As much as I said fate is just a cute idea, if I do find that special guy, I want it to be just through living life. I’ve met and will continue to meet guys who may not be that person but opened my eyes to sides of myself that I had either forgotten or never even knew existed in the first place. Whether the connection lasts or not, there is something to take from it every time, even if begrudgingly. If you want to go out and find your person online, then that’s fine but I’m just so tired of it. I thought that it was because I was being too picky or just not trying hard enough, but I realised it’s just that I value a lot more in my life than having a partner. I am still working out a lot of things, but for the most part I am just enjoying life in the moment and whatever will be, will be.

That’s all the deeper stuff out of way. In general, I’m simply enjoying having a flexible-hour office job and being able to afford the odd holiday here and there. I’m even having a good time at the gym – sure what I’m doing there is very basic and barely scratching the surface of a real routine and goals, but hey, I’m there doing my thing. Which pretty much sums life up right now. If you have read this far, then thank you so much! The blog is back, a little music heavy with the other three posts going live today, but then that was always going to be the main focus. I do have some ideas floating around for some more lifestyle bits in the future, but if I only talk about music for a while then so be it.

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