Well hello there! It has been a while since I last published one of my more personal posts, but by golly do I have an update for you.
Normally I like to do these sort of posts as a little round up of the last month, but this time I have two (and a half) to catch you up on, and to be honest, March seems so far away I can barely even remember what happened. Though these posts started up as pretty simple pieces about what I got up to, more recently they have been centered around certain themes. That being said I have still striven to make sure it is an honest reflection of the month rather than me shoehorning some random idea in. Towards the end of March I had drafted a little piece about needing to care less, and perhaps that will be feature later on, but for now let’s talk about the change that April brought around.
I have spoken time and time again about how my relationship with work has been up and down. I love the company, but ultimately the particular role I was in was not for me. Although I was somewhat aware of this, it took my manager and a visitor to the store to make me face the reality of it and make a change, and so I stepped down from trainee manager to return to my supervisor role.
I felt A LOT of things on this day in question. I was mad that I had to make a difficult decision on the spot, but on reflection I had been ignoring it for months. I was stressing about money. I was not fussed about stepping back from my role and being a supervisor again, but I did care about the cost of my flat and how I was going to pay for it. I was sad because I might have to leave my new little home. Disappointed that I could not live up to a certain expectation.
All these feelings left little time to sit down and reflect appropriately until now. Within two weeks of making this decision to step down, I actually handed in my notice. I had been offered an assistant manager role with a new a company (thanks to me having worked with the current manager already), and although I was scared to take the leap, I knew I had to. At least I will have the comfort of some familiar faces to make me feel at ease!
Still, one thing that I could not shake was the thought that I was going to have to leave my flat immediately, despite being only halfway through my 12 month tenancy. After a lot of thought I decided that even if I have to have a tight couple of months, that is far less stressful than dealing with a move and a new job all at once. I have definitely learnt that there is more to happiness than money. I have spent a lot of time going for promotions just to make more money that I forgot to work on everything else in life. Perhaps I will move out towards the end of my tenancy but for now I’m going to continue enjoying my own space.
As I have taken time to reflect on everything, I have made the important realisation that work was absolutely not the source of my unhappiness. However while working there I wasn’t allowing myself time to focus on changing that or even figure out what it is I want to do in life. Sometimes you need a hard push from the world to get your life in order, but the beauty of this is that it will remind you of all the support you have around you. Any doubt I had about leaving completely disappeared by the time I spoke to my friends and family. They did nothing but congratulate me for making that move, reassuring me that it was the right decision. I’m generally quite closed off, but I am learning to open up more. I’m not completely there yet but I am way more conscious of it so here’s hoping!
One big difference is that the opening hours are for more forgiving in this job. As a result I will have more time to write, especially making use of my new commute to keep on top of it all. So, I am going to be writing for Vulture Hound again, because even though I would love to be paid for that work, I have not sought it out since leaving them. So time to get back into it before ultimately looking for paid work. That’s the goal, let’s make sure I stick to it.
The main thing to focus on is that all of this change is positive and things are moving forward. Of course in my last week at my old job I felt a little sad about leaving, but at the very least I need a break from it all. It has been five and a half years, so about time I try something new. I will still be in retail, but there is also a huge element of hospitality in this new role, which is scaring me a little as it has been FOREVER since I have worked in that environment. That being said, if I could just about do it when I was 17, I’m sure 25 year old me can manage just fine. Besides, I’m way too excited to get to know the company and connect with their values to worry (too much) about how good my coffees taste. This is going to be so stimulating and I am going to make sure it stays that way as long as possible!
Anyway, that’s my little update for you! I will be sure to return to my normal monthly updates soon as I am kind of missing my old style. so might take it back to basics for a while and save those ‘deeper’ posts for the odd feature here and there.
In a bit! x
SAMANTHA MAE 